My Exquisite Mirror
“You’re not ready” but in reality it is me who is not ready. Our paths cross; we meet only to fall fast and too soon. The intensity and beauty of this thing we share scares us both but forces a change; a closer investigation into what is needed for personal growth. Our paths diverge; I am hurt and misunderstand what is needed. Space for both of us; a building or rebuilding of our broken hearts and lives, lives that support us, feed us and develop our character. So many tears are silently shed, handstands that require an open and strong heart are impossible to execute. Fearlessness is the missing ingredient measured with patience and self-love.
These are the moments of intense pleasure I will treasure forever; grabbing your hand and pulling you toward your car after the fight. Coffee at Starbucks in January, sweaters, tattoos and afternoon sunlight raking thru the trees into your bright blue eyes, slow scrambled eggs, looking at the moon after a lecture, your brilliant intellect and creativity, on your bed with a breeze blowing across the velvet of our skin, Valentine’s Day from NYC to Pizza Fusion, your time-lapse in the Tampa Theater married to a Hitchcock film (I can’t remember the name of the film, UGH!), my skirt blowing up on your balcony (to many other things to mention happen on that balcony), birthday wishes, biscotti, a phone call about your ex and closure, cooking a Kentucky Derby party, laying with Nicole in your bed, your hand pushing across my lap into my loveliest parts where you play me like your guitar, “you want everything,” sweet comfort on the couch, feeding you chocolate cake watching The Matrix I & II, Alexi Murdoch, Wait, Time Without Consequences, “please wait for me,” playoff beards and kissing your face cupped in my hands and you are filled with regret the morning after. At this moment feeling so loved by you and finally understanding I should have said no but glad to have said yes and indulged in something rare and so beautiful one last time. All these moments I will carry with me and know I was loved well or as much as you could at the time.